poweroflistening

Training Deep Dive: Humility

October 13, 2020 By cyndi4ETS

As we have lived through these past months of pandemic, quarantine, isolation, and the race to the White House, I have realized more and more the importance and power of humility. Humility is often confused with being quiet or fearful or a doormat.

Humility is anything but those things.

I recently joined Community Bible Study and we are studying the Gospel of John. In the first chapter, soon after John introduces us to “The Word,” he tells us part of John the Baptist’s story. His story is a wonderful lesson in humility. (John 1: 13-38)

We have to look to the other gospels as well to get the whole beautiful story which I hope you take the time to read in Luke Chapter 1, Matthew Chapter 3 and Chapter 11:1-24, and Mark 1:1-11.

Humility demands that we have an accurate assessment of our strengths and weaknesses, your giftedness and your place in God’s plan. John the Baptist understood his calling, his place in God’s plan, and accepted it fully. He always clarified to whoever asked that he was not the Messiah but the one who was called to prepare the way for the Messiah.

How did John the Baptist embody humility?

He was clear about his identity – who he was and was not.
He squelched any thoughts of rivalry with Jesus
He knew his success came from heaven.
He prepared the way and made the path straight for people to recognize and follow Christ. He exalts Jesus above himself.
He understood that he must decrease.
He was obedient even in the face of hardship and eventual death.
He viewed things in light of eternity.
He never complained about his place or purpose.
He was joyful at Jesus’ success and was happy to see his disciples leave and follow Christ.

John knew his calling was to prepare the way and then get out of the way.

What can we learn from John the Baptist about humility that we can take into our ministry work at the Pregnancy Center?

We need to clearly know our strengths and weaknesses.
We must trust God to use us as we believe our success comes from heaven.
We prepare the way for the Lord to do the work in the clients. Humility builds safety and earns us the right to speak into their lives but the Lord does the real heart work.
We have a clear calling to speak the truth in love that can give us strength in the face of hardships and difficulties we might have while ministering at the Pregnancy Center
We must see our work at the Pregnancy Center in light of eternity. The results of what we do and the people we serve is often unknown or uncertain in terms of outcomes. We must trust that the Lord is in control. We must not be deterred or frustrated by our lack of knowledge concerning the outcomes of our times with clients. If we have done the best possible job in loving and caring for a client we must trust that the Lord is able to carry her and call her no matter what she decides. Every Pregnancy Center has stories of clients they thought would choose an abortion but found out months or even years later that the client chose to carry to term and parent their child.
We must not compare ourselves to others but trust that the Lord will give us the grace to complete our mission with his help. Remember God created you in all your gifts and uniqueness and he never compares you with anyone else.
Be joyful and celebrate both the small and large accomplishments of yourself and others.
Prepare the way and get out of the way. What is your job in preparing the way and making the path straight for a client to meet Jesus while they are at the Pregnancy Center? Sometimes we must decrease after our job is completed and let the Father, Son and Holy Spirit do their job.

Jesus’ words about John the Baptist (Matthew 11:11a)

“I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist.”

I hope that these insights might give you a new perspective for training your volunteers on the concept of humility during your initial volunteer training.

I would love to hear about how you teach on the concept of humility. We could all use an extra dose of humility during these trying times.

Peace,

Cyndi

Role-playing During In-service Training

October 5, 2020 By cyndi4ETS

In-service meetings are a great time to really focus on role-play. Each in-service should include at least one round of role-play.

Role-play is very important in the Pregnancy Center ministry for the following reasons:

Role-play keeps volunteers skills sharpened
Role-play gives volunteers an opportunity to practice various scenarios outside of their time with clients.
Role-plays let someone explore how they could have interacted differently with a client they has in the past.
Role-play enables center staff to see volunteers’ strengths and weaknesses and plan accordingly to help them.
Observing role-plays gives center staff good ideas for needed topics for future in-services.
Role-play is a good time for exercising vulnerability and learning which is a key concept for volunteers who work directly with clients.
The more your do role-play the less scary and awkward it becomes

Addressing Role-play Fears & Anxiety

Often there is a lot of fear surrounding role-play. People come up with all sorts of excuses not to participate. Center staff/trainers need to be ready for this and ease people into role-play.

Allowing trainees and current volunteers to practice together with one other person is important before you are doing any role-play in a group setting. Setting up role-plays with clear instructions and the purpose and focus of the role-play will create safety. Establishing guidelines for feedback is essential. Creating an environment of “We are all learning here,” and “This is where it is okay to make mistakes and learn,” helps volunteers relax and focus more on the learning and less on their performance.

Be A Role-Model

Utilizing realistic role-plays and showing volunteers how it is done by being the “counselor” in a role-play, shows how important you believe role-play to be and are being vulnerable to your group of volunteers. We cannot ask others to do what we are unwilling to do.

Use Role-play Early and Often

If you build in role-play from the very beginning during the initial training and continue it throughout your on-the-job and in-service training, volunteers will learn to expect it and become more comfortable with the process.

There are a variety of role-play formats that can be used:

A “scripted” role-play that is determined ahead of time between two people and the other participants are instructed to watch for specific things like good skills or bas skills, different client and volunteer reactions or behaviors, etc.
Groups of two (dyads) where all groups are given the same role-play scenario and given time to play out the scenario. In this situation it is important that each person in the dyad give feedback to the other person focused on the purpose of the role-play
Small groups of three (triads) where there are three roles: client, volunteer and observer or coach. The role of the coach would help either party if they got stuck and the role of the observer would be to stay silent and give feedback to both parties when the role-play ended. Every triad would be doing the same role-play so the processing at the end would apply to all triads.
Round-robin role-play where two people start the role-play in front of the group. When one person playing the “counselor” role gets stuck, they call time, discussion about the difficulty is worked through, and then another volunteer takes the “counseling” chair and the role-play resumes from where it was left off or stopped. It is best for center staff to play the client or someone who is very good at role-play and can move in and out of the role-play easily as well as facilitate the discussion.
A variation on the round robin above is that two volunteers are in the role-play and the staff person facilitates the discussion when one or the other of the people in the role-play become stuck or when the staff member chooses to stop the role-play for a teachable moment.
A volunteer shares a personal scenario that they encountered with a client and asks for someone to role-play with her to see if she could have possible done something different in her interaction with the client. As a second option she might ask two other volunteers to play out the scenarios to observe how another volunteer might have handled the situation.

Creating Role-play Scenarios

I have created a list of short scenarios that might be helpful when planning role-plays for your in-service trainings. It does not matter the scenario as long as it is basically realistic and a volunteer would be able to identify with the scenario to be authentic in the role-play. Almost any scenario will do because role-play is an opportunity to practice using the Seven Fundamentals and receive feedback from others who are trying to recognize and utilize the same skills. The focus should be on the volunteer’s use of the Seven Fundamentals and not on the client’s story.

Your client documentation should give you a plethora of client scenarios to draw from if you want the role-play scenarios to directly relate to the clients you are seeing at your center. When writing the scenarios give just enough information so the person playing that role can use the information but not be restricted by it. Set the stage and then let them use their imagination to put words and feelings into the role-play.

Drop me an email and let me know what you struggle with when facilitating role-play in your trainings and I will try and help in future blog posts.

Happy role-playing!

Fundamental #3: Every Woman Is Sending Out An S.O.S.

August 11, 2020 By cyndi4ETS

Clients who come to the Center for services carry with them complicated stories and life situations. Fundamental #3 helps us to listen to their stories in such a way as to hone in and focus on their feelings, pressures and strengths.

If we do not focus our listening for each client’s S.O.S. we can easily become overwhelmed. When we are overwhelmed we stop listening. When we stop listening empathy and compassion diminishes. When empathy diminishes so does connecting with clients in a meaningful way. It can become a down-hill spiral.

But knowing what to listen for, using each client’s SOS as a guide, can keep us on track. We must remind ourselves it is not our job to fix the situation. Our job is to listen and respond in ways that show our client we care about them and want to hear their story. It is listening for and validating her SOS that will create the safety needed to create meaningful connection.

So let’s take a fresh look at a client’s S.O.S.

She is Scared

We must become emotionally intelligent. We need to increase our ability to feel with another but also to be able to label and talk about those feelings.

The feelings clients bring with them, especially abortion-minded clients, are intense and complicated. When we are being influenced by these strong emotions, it is very difficult to listen to reason or look at any option that does not relieve the immediate problem.

When we listen for and validate the emotions clients feel, it creates an atmosphere where feelings are okay and it becomes a safe place to talk about those feelings. Once the feelings are named and discussed there is more room in our heads and hearts to work through the issues.

She has Overwhelming Pressures

I recently listened to a p odcast with Dr.Marc Brackett called “Permission to Feel.” I learned so much from listening to him and would highly recommend it to you. He is the author of Permission to Feel : Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive. (Macmillan/CELADON)

As we listen for feelings we are also gathering information about her overwhelming pressures. The emotions, fueled by the overwhelming pressures, are the gas in the car that can drive any of us to make poor choices and decisions when in the midst of a crisis.

We must listen to these pressures in context of our client’s story and her culture. The pressures an evangelical Christian woman might face are totally different from a woman who is living with an abusive boyfriend. But in either case, her pressures effect how she processes her situation and the decisions she will make in the midst of her crisis.

Her circumstances may be very different from our own lives, which sometimes makes it hard to discuss them with her. Because of this it is easy to slip into judgment of the choices which may have caused the crisis in the first place. It is our job to listen for these pressures and earn the right to discuss them with clients in light of how they will affect the choices they make.

Remember she has both Internal Pressures and External Pressures. If you know what you need to be listening for it makes it easier to gather the information as you listen to her story.

It is important, as trainers and volunteer supervisors, to make sure volunteers are listening for client’s overwhelming pressures. One way you can know if they are gathering this information is whether or not they are detailing the pressures in their client interaction documentation. A documentation template is a great way to hold volunteers to some accountability and a way for you to know how volunteers are utilizing the Seven Fundamentals in their counseling sessions.

Here is a simple documentation template you might consider using. It is based on climbing the steps to crisis intervention (MRFEEF). It will help volunteers focus on their job while working with clients and will give volunteer supervisors a good idea of what is happening in sessions with clients without having to sit in and observe which can often feel awkward.

She has Strengths

Think about how you felt the last time someone gave you a heartfelt compliment. I hope it was not too long ago. We need to speak to people’s strengths and beauty way more often than we do.

Image how a client is feeling when they come to the Center. It does not matter if they are there for diapers and formula, an STD test, or a pregnancy test. More often than not, there is some amount of shame wrapped up in their story. We all carry the effects of shame.

Empathy is a shame buster. Empathy sees and validates the hard stuff but it also sees the good and the strength and beauty in each person. It is our ability to speak to that beauty and strength that creates connection and a sense of being “seen” in a more intimate way.

Take the time to look for the beauty and strength in every client and speak what you see as a blessing over them. This is a gift we can give to anyone and everyone. It is transforming to both the giver and the receiver.