Clients who come to the Center for services carry with them complicated stories and life situations. Fundamental #3 helps us to listen to their stories in such a way as to hone in and focus on their feelings, pressures and strengths.
If we do not focus our listening for each client’s S.O.S. we can easily become overwhelmed. When we are overwhelmed we stop listening. When we stop listening empathy and compassion diminishes. When empathy diminishes so does connecting with clients in a meaningful way. It can become a down-hill spiral.
But knowing what to listen for, using each client’s SOS as a guide, can keep us on track. We must remind ourselves it is not our job to fix the situation. Our job is to listen and respond in ways that show our client we care about them and want to hear their story. It is listening for and validating her SOS that will create the safety needed to create meaningful connection.
So let’s take a fresh look at a client’s S.O.S.
She is Scared
We must become emotionally intelligent. We need to increase our ability to feel with another but also to be able to label and talk about those feelings.
The feelings clients bring with them, especially abortion-minded clients, are intense and complicated. When we are being influenced by these strong emotions, it is very difficult to listen to reason or look at any option that does not relieve the immediate problem.
When we listen for and validate the emotions clients feel, it creates an atmosphere where feelings are okay and it becomes a safe place to talk about those feelings. Once the feelings are named and discussed there is more room in our heads and hearts to work through the issues.
She has Overwhelming Pressures
I recently listened to a podcast with Dr.Marc Brackett called “Permission to Feel.” I learned so much from listening to him and would highly recommend it to you. He is the author of Permission to Feel : Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive. (Macmillan/CELADON)
As we listen for feelings we are also gathering information about her overwhelming pressures. The emotions, fueled by the overwhelming pressures, are the gas in the car that can drive any of us to make poor choices and decisions when in the midst of a crisis.
We must listen to these pressures in context of our client’s story and her culture. The pressures an evangelical Christian woman might face are totally different from a woman who is living with an abusive boyfriend. But in either case, her pressures effect how she processes her situation and the decisions she will make in the midst of her crisis.
Her circumstances may be very different from our own lives, which sometimes makes it hard to discuss them with her. Because of this it is easy to slip into judgment of the choices which may have caused the crisis in the first place. It is our job to listen for these pressures and earn the right to discuss them with clients in light of how they will affect the choices they make.
Remember she has both Internal Pressures and External Pressures. If you know what you need to be listening for it makes it easier to gather the information as you listen to her story.
It is important, as trainers and volunteer supervisors, to make sure volunteers are listening for client’s overwhelming pressures. One way you can know if they are gathering this information is whether or not they are detailing the pressures in their client interaction documentation. A documentation template is a great way to hold volunteers to some accountability and a way for you to know how volunteers are utilizing the Seven Fundamentals in their counseling sessions.
Here is a simple documentation template you might consider using. It is based on climbing the steps to crisis intervention (MRFEEF). It will help volunteers focus on their job while working with clients and will give volunteer supervisors a good idea of what is happening in sessions with clients without having to sit in and observe which can often feel awkward.
She has Strengths
Think about how you felt the last time someone gave you a heartfelt compliment. I hope it was not too long ago. We need to speak to people’s strengths and beauty way more often than we do.
Image how a client is feeling when they come to the Center. It does not matter if they are there for diapers and formula, an STD test, or a pregnancy test. More often than not, there is some amount of shame wrapped up in their story. We all carry the effects of shame.
Empathy is a shame buster. Empathy sees and validates the hard stuff but it also sees the good and the strength and beauty in each person. It is our ability to speak to that beauty and strength that creates connection and a sense of being “seen” in a more intimate way.
Take the time to look for the beauty and strength in every client and speak what you see as a blessing over them. This is a gift we can give to anyone and everyone. It is transforming to both the giver and the receiver.
