“There is power in a communication style that values relationship. It matters.”
I worked towards my Master’s degree while I was director of the Pregnancy Center in Baltimore. At the beginning of most classes we sat in a large circle and everyone introduced themselves. Most classmates introduced themselves by sharing where they worked and their job title. During these classes, I would often by-pass that description. I would tell people a little about myself, that I liked art, I had an undergrad degree in fine art and that it had been a while since I was in a higher education environment but I was excited to be in the class.
I often was hard on myself for not just coming out and saying where I worked and what I did. But the experience taught me how to be thoughtful about what I shared about my work and how and when I shared it.
In my particular course of study, there was often a lot of group work. In one particular class the professor broke us into small groups to work on a rather lengthy project. It turned out to be one of those times that the connection of the group went far beyond the class assignment. It was one of the most diverse groups I worked with in Graduate School and one of my fondest memories.
During one of our meetings someone said, “Hey Cyndi, you never said what you did when you introduced yourself.” This happened during one of our first meetings together so we did not know a lot about one another at that time. So I said, “I work with a non-profit agency that helps women faced with the decisions of an unplanned pregnancy.” As you can imagine, there were follow up questions. I answered the questions truthfully but also focused on what our agency does provide. I told them that we do not provide abortions but would rather offer support and services that could eventually make abortion rare or unnecessary. I tried to use language that explained what we do provide at Pregnancy Centers without using labels or buzz words that might cause my classmates to stereotype me based on their assumptions. I also told them I am often fearful that, based how Pregnancy Centers are sometimes perceived, people will judge me harshly.
I was so nervous sharing this and feared their reaction. Instead, the opposite happened and others in the group began to reveal more of their story. One woman told us she was an ex-nun and shared similar feelings about not sharing that information because she feared people would pidgeon-hole or stereotype her. One of the guys shared he was gay and one-by-one the participants in the group began to share more intimately about their story and what they also feared. It was an amazing moment that bonded us together long after the class ended. After that, never once in that group of people, did I feel judged or diminished because of what I did or what I believed. We respected our differences because our relationship mattered more than agreeing or being right.
That is why I love the quote that is at the top of this post. Being pro-life does not always have to be adversarial. If we truly believe that relationship matters more than being “right,” it will affect how we talk about what we do and why we do it.
Your volunteers are advocates for the ministry. How they talk about the Center, what you do, how you do it, and the language they use are important. They are social media influencers and advocates not only in their church community but to their wider social circles, which may not always be pro-life. It is important to give them the vision, the language and skills to share the work of the ministry.
Part of the foundations of the Equipped to Serve training is identifying what speaking the truth in love looks like and how we can build relationship without compromising our beliefs. The skills learned in the training provide the mindset and the language to engage others in vulnerable conversations. As leaders we can lead the way both in training volunteers and well as role-modeling that our conversations and communication style values relationship.
Because it does truly matter.